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<title>the letter h by scarletred</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26734231">the letter h</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletred/pseuds/scarletred'>scarletred</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Poetry, Healing, Hurt, Internal Monologue, don't really know what this is</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:01:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26734231</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletred/pseuds/scarletred</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>don’t you find it funny?<br/>that healing and hurting <br/>both start with the letter h?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the letter h</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A glimpse into my messy brain these days. Sometimes thoughts hang in the air long enough for me to write them down.</p><p>Holding onto hope, trying to be the bigger person, recounting things to accept them - not working that much, but still I do it anyway. Am I making matters worse for myself? I don't know.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>maybe it’s my own fault.</p><p>‘cause I’m trying to heal</p><p>– forcing myself to –</p><p>when the knife is still</p><p>lodged in the wound</p><p>– still hurting, still bleeding.</p><p> </p><p>maybe it’s my own fault.</p><p>for trying to see the light</p><p>– forcing myself to –</p><p>when it’s still 3.40 and</p><p>I woke up from a nightmare</p><p>– still hurting, still breathing.</p><p> </p><p>maybe it’s my own fault.</p><p>pushing myself to be the light</p><p>when all I’ve known is darkness.</p><p> </p><p>am I harming myself?</p><p>going over it</p><p>and over it</p><p>and over it</p><p>again?</p><p> </p><p>is it my fault, this hurt?</p><p>telling it over</p><p>and over</p><p>and over</p><p>again?</p><p> </p><p>and still I cry</p><p>and scream</p><p>and hurt</p><p>and feel empty</p><p>and keep telling myself</p><p>– it gets better –</p><p>but does it really?</p><p> </p><p>so how can I heal</p><p>when I’m still being hurt?</p><p>how can I move forward,</p><p>stuck?</p><p> </p><p>don’t you find it funny?</p><p>that healing and hurting</p><p>both start with the letter h?</p><p> </p><p>hope.</p>
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